Song of the Day.

(Source: Spotify)

(Source: Spotify)

Despite the dour weather, this is my Song of the Day.

(Source: Spotify)

Song of the Day.

(Source: Spotify)

Song of the Day

(Source: Spotify)

After a brief hiatus: Song of the Day

(Source: Spotify)

Songs from Mother’s Day

(Source: Spotify)

Songs from Mother’s Day

(Source: Spotify)

I went to my first AA meeting today. Man, expectations and idealizations have the potential to ruin any experience. A younger me might have used those presumptions to sour the experience or find some reason not to return. Gladly, I’ve grown up and my first AA experience turned out to be a comforting and welcoming one. 

I’ve been struggling with alcoholism for the past five years or so, and despite all of the excuses I’ve made over the years (I’m too young or I can fit this into my life) I was am an alcoholic. Today’s meeting, which will hugely mark the beginning of my recovery, also marks the first time it really set in that that title applied to me. As I heard everyone in the room introduce themselves as alcoholics, I cringed at first. The initial sting of acceptance and vulnerability seemed more than I was capable of handling. I was already on the verge of crying the moment I walked in the door.

 
After about 15 minutes everyone had said their piece and it was my turn to speak. By that point I was welling up with things to talk about. All of the stories told or lessons learned by the other members applied immediately to me as well. Like the initial swelling effect that alcohol has on your ego and senses over time turns to a dull habitual drowning of it in a fifth of grain alcohol. 
For the first time I feel as though something might work. I want to go everyday and I feel weird admitting that, but I’m hopeful. One of the members told me something when she spoke about her first time, it was said to her at her first meeting as well:

  • You have to want to stop drinking
  • Keep coming back
  • Don’t quit before your miracle

All three things sound like sage advice, but I feel like I’ve already experienced a small miracle today.